Well I got home and the door was locked and I tried to ring the bell I-found-a-little-bittie-note that she had wrote tellin’ me to "Go to HELL!" I crawled in the window I got inside She kicked me in the balls and then I cried Called me a name said I lied Kicked me again and I thought I died Took my clothes set ’em on fire hit me with her curlin’ iron. I tried to block it with my watch and then she kicked me in the crotch again. Yeah today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend. Well I tried to tell her but she didn’t care That things weren’t what they seemed She-had-a-pan on the stove full of boiling water And my nads would soon be steamed I tried to run scream for help She-hit-me-in-the-nerts-with-a-Rhinestone-belt It was like nothing that I ever felt I thank God I wasn’t wearing a kilt She grabbed a bat from beneath the bed She swung it once and then she missed my head She reared back swung it again and Then she hit me in the twins again. Yeah today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend Yeah today’s that awful day Hey my boys won’t be the same Yeah today’s the day my wife met my girlfriend