(2x) Hey honey have you gained some weight in your rear-end The dress you wear reminds me of my old girl friend And where'd you get those shoes, I think they're pretty lame Would you stop talking 'cause I'm trying to watch the game If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life These are the things you don't say to your wife. I planned a hunting trip next week on your birthday I didn't ask you but I knew I'd be ok Go make some dinner while I watch this fishing show I taped it over our old wedding video If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life These are the things you don't say to your wife. Your cooking is ok but not like mother makes The diamond in the ring, I bought you is a fake Your eyes look puffy dear, are you feeling ill Happy anniversary, I bought you a treadmill If you're a man who wants to live a long and happy life These are the things you don't say to your wife. If you a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife, These are the things you don't say to your wife.