Vegematic Steve Goodman Capo 2 [VERSE 1] Fell asleep last night with the TV on Oh what a dream I had I dreamed I went and answered every single one Of those late night mail order ads And four to six weeks later much to my surprise The mailman came to my front door And I couldn’t believe my eyes [CHORUS 1] When he brought the Vegematic And the Pocket Fisherman too Illuminated illustrated history of life Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife A bamboo steamer and a Garden Weasel too And a tie-dyed dayglo souvenir shirt from Six Flags Over Burbank [VERSE 2] Well the doorbell rang all morning and all through the afternoon I shook with fright as it rang all night To the light of the Master Card moon There was Parcel Post in the pantry UPS in the hall    C.O.D. to the ceiling and I just couldn’t pay for it all [CHORUS 2] I got the egg scrambler with a Seal-a-Meal carrying case A set of presidential commemorative plates So I could eat my eggs off the President’s face A Minute Mender and a needle that’ll knit or crochet And an autographed photograph of Rin Tin Tin At Six Flags Over Burbank [VERSE 3] I remembered I was dreaming so I gave a mighty cheer    When I awoke it was no joke ’cause all that shit was here So if you fall asleep with the TV on let me tell you what to do:   Rip the telephone out of the wall unless you want it to happen to you [CHORUS 3] You get the Vegematic and the Pocket Fisherman too Illuminated illustrated history of life And Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife A bamboo steamer and a smokeless ashtray too And an all expenses paid weekend for three at Six Flags Over Burbank