A Simple Desultory Philippic (How I Was Lyndon Johnsoned Into Submission) Words & music bu Paul Simon 1965 [Verse 1] I was Union Jacked Kerouac’d John Birched stopped and searched Rolling Stoned and Beatled till I’m blind  I’ve been Ayn Randed nearly branded Communist ’cos I’m lefthanded: That’s the hand they use well never mind!                   [Verse 2] I’ve been Walt Disneyed Dis Disleyed John Lennoned Krishna Menoned Walter Brennan punched out Cassius Clay  I’ve heard the truth from Lenny Bruce and all my wealth won’t buy me health So I smoke a pint of tea a day                   [Verse 3]  I knew a man his brain so small He couldn’t think of nothin’ at all. He’s not the same as you and me. He doesn’t dig poetry. He’s so unhip that When you say Dylan he thinks you’re talkin’ about Dylan Thomas Whoever he is. The man ain’t got no culture But its alright Ma It’s just sumpthin’ I learned over in England. [Verse 4] I’ve been James Joyced Rolls Royced Mick Jaggered silver daggered Andy Warhol won’t you please come home? I’ve been mother fathered aunt and uncled Tom Wilsoned Art Garfunkled Barry Kornfeld’s mother’s on the phone When in London do as I do Find yourself a friendly haiku Go to sleep for ten or fifteen years