Please leave all overcoats canes and top hats with the doorman And from that moment you’ll be out of place and underdressed I’m wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and Please leave all overcoats canes and top hats with the doorman And from that moment you’ll be out of place and underdressed I’m wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and When you’re in black slacks with accentuating off-white pinstripes whoa-oh Everything goes according to plan I’m the new cancer never looked better And you can’t stand it I know because you say so under your breath You’re reading lips "When did he get at all confident?" Haven’t you heard that I’m the new cancer? Never looked better And you can’t stand it                    (play along to the piano timing changes) Next is a trip to the ladies room in vain I bet you just can’t keep up with these fashionistas Tonight tonight you are you are the whispering campaign To them your name is "Cheap" and you look like sh-- Talk to the mirror choke back tears And keep telling yourself that "I’m a diva."         Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box at your table                         They just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin (Chorus) Haven’t you heard that I’m the new cancer? I’ve never looked better and you can’t stand it Haven’t you heard that I’m the new cancer? I’ve never looked better and you can’t stand it And I know and I know It just doesn’t feel like a night out with no one sizing you up I’ve never been so surreptitious So of course you’ll be distracted when I spike the punch (and repeat the chords) And I know and I know It just doesn’t feel like a night out with no one sizing you up I’ve never been so surreptitious       So of course you’ll be distracted when I spike the punch And I know and I know                It just doesn’t feel like a night out with no one sizing you up I’ve never been so surreptitious          So of course you’ll be distracted when I spike the punch