Bass I met him in a crowded room Bass Where people go to drink away their gloom () He sat me down and so began the story of a charmless man Bass Bass Educated the expensive way he knows his claret from his beaujolais () I think he’s like to of been Ronnie Kray But then nature didn’t make him that way He thinks he’s educated airs those family shares Will protect him that we will respect him He moves in circles of friends Who just pretend that they like him He does the same to them And when you put it all together There’s the model of a charmless man Bass He knows the swingers and their calvarly Says he can get in anywhere for free I began to go a little cross eyed And from this charmless man I just had to hide He talks at speeds he gets nosebleeds He doesn’t see his days Are tumbling down upon him And yet he tries so hard to please He’s just so keen for you to listen But no one is listening And when you put it all together There’s the model of a charmless man